Out Of Africa!

 As time trudges on Africa becomes more of a dream.  Details are beginning to fade and I am left alone with my experiences.  I am  not going to say I don't miss it because I do, but I also miss California, and Colorado, and Haiti.  This trip did not make me hate my home, if anything it has me appreciate it more (home=Hawaii&America) but it has taught me things about myself and about the world.  I realized the possibility of the impossible while spending 5 months in Africa, and now I am comforted by the knowledge that I will be back someday.  This will be the last official post of my South Africa Experience, so I figured that nothing would work better than my last entry in my personal journal.

I am a wanderer! I do not believe this is something I have always been, but I have developed into and finally now realize this self-attribute.  I am a wanderer who thrives on exploration and the discovery of the new.  This is evident in many aspects of my life, most obviously in travel specifically to places I have never been before, but it is also evident in my relationships with people.  I am not one to stick to a certain group of people for a long time.  I love to meet new people, to observe new groups,  and to find my place in it all.  I believe that is one of the biggest things I learned in Africa and also one of the biggest reason I loved Africa so much.  It was my new adventure, my new beginning, and for a few short months my new home. 
Home is an idea that many people my age begin to question the meaning of or even redefine as it applies to themselves.  Home for me has changed, it is no longer on an island or in a house, it isn't where I grew up or even where my family lives.  Home has become the place where I am.  This idea stemmed from a philosophy that I had created for myself and that my experiences in Africa have unarguably established.  The philosophy that one can find beauty in whatever place they are, from the streets of LA to the shores of Cape Town, from a small island in the South Pacific to a poor African township called Haniville... and because of this ever present beauty I can find comfort, and in this comfort i can feel at home.  Therefore home is wherever I can find beauty.  Home is Africa, home is Los Angeles, it is Molokai and it is places that I have never been before, home is where friends are or where family is... Home is here!

Changes are coming!

So for any of you who do read my blog, it was my original intent to just create it for my trip to South Africa however after thinking about it I have decided to continue it as an outlet for thoughts and creativity.  It will be taking a very different turn and the look of it will be revamped but CHANGES ARE COMING!

Safari Day 3

Waking up before the sun rise again today was extremely hard, but the promise of big game motivated me... I had not seen a male lion so that that was all I was praying for and maybe another elephant... 
not even 20 minutes into the drive we spotted 3 beautiful lions relaxing after a night of hunting.  There were two males with golden manes and were even bigger than I had imagined.  As i stared at their majestic beauty I slipped a headphone into my right ear and pressed play on my ipod.  As Little Lion Man played, the awesomeness of those creatures became even more inspiring.  The rest of the morning was quite boring in relation to animal sightings... unfortunately I had to say goodbye to the reserve and animals and I can only that I shall see them again one day...
We finished the weekend off by watching The Lion King!

Safari Day 2

We woke up before the sun today in order to see the animals in their morning bustle.  We were not ten minutes out of camp when we came upon a pack of 5 elephants.  One "cheeky fellow" began threatening the vehicles adn even fake charged at one point.  It was an amazing start to a day of big game sightings. 

I am slightly distracted right now because of what has happened in the last thirty minutes.  Me, Riley, and Matt bulit a fire outside of our bungalow.  It was slightly raining so it was difficult, but at one point matt went out to collect some dry twigs and suddenly came back sprinting saying that he heard a growl.  We stopped to listen and from the bushes again came a low growl.  We freaked and barricaded ourselves on the porch and were too afraid to do anything else.  Which brings us to now... now I am listening to the strange howl of a hyena, something you only hear on television... but its real and more chilling than ever.  Now we sit on our porch and await what comes next.  This is Africa!

Safari Day 1

We got chased by an elephant!!!
So we were driving along and then BAM! There was a giant elephant standing right in the middle of the road.  As we approached he turned to us and began walking towards us.  Baba threw it into reverse and began backing away and as he did the bull began to approach us at a quicker pace.  Now it is prime mating season and that is when male elephants are extremely dangerous... fear gripped all of us as Baba reversed over 300 yards.  Finally the other jeep caught its attention and it stopped.  Our guide then threw rocks at it to scare it off!

Pain & Prayer

I have spent the last four weeks working in a South African township and I feel unworthy.  Why am I so blessed with this experience?  Why do I have so much? Why? 
Yesterday I visited a woman in the hospital who had tried to commit suicide and the scary thing is I may have done the same thing.  She had scars covering her body from a fire that killed her baby last year.  I looked in her eyes and all I saw was pain.  There was so much pain within her and it broke me to see something so beautiful hold so much misery.  I was speechless... what could I say?  Who am I to tell her its going to be okay, a rich white American who has never felt anything close to her hardships.  All I could do was pray.  It seems that real change only comes through prayer.  Some may disagree with me and say that the house & garden we built are real change but they can rot, or collapse, or be neglected.  The real change is what that lady does with them, which is sparked by the acts themselves... but we cannot control what she does only God has that influence and only through prayer can we be apart of that.

Haunted by what I dont need

I feel the need to journal right now and people are on my mind.  People are almost always on my mind.  Their voices haunt my thoughts, and tear at my desires.  When I hear a group laughing I automaticaly yearn to be there, sometimes even when I'm with another group...
but why is that? Why do i always feel like I'm missing out, like everything good is happening somewhere else?
Is it because I am not content?  I think at times that is definately my problem as much as I hate to admit it.  It seems like I am stick in this contunous cycle where I realize my discontentment and challenge myself into fixing this problem and eventually I lose that self-awareness and slip back into it.  I'm not sure how to break this cycle but is is time to banish discontentment yet again.  It is time to savor the time I have and the friends I spend it with.  I do not need anything more, and what I already have is way more than I deserve.  I will no longer be haunted by the thoughts my mind conjures up to convince itself that the grass is greener in another group.  This not going to be easy, it requires a war within my mind, and yes I will be tormented but I need to win contentement, I must win.  These desires of mine cause so much unnecessary worry or stress. 
How do I implement strategy? I guess its a conscious decision every single time to remind myself that what I have is more than enough!

A late night Journal Entry

I feel renewed by the last couple days.  It is strange to see how hard labor energizes me...
Alright I am going to transition this journal

There are times when I don't feel like journaling or writing about certain things and this is one of those times.  It is like I don't want to write about anything but I still need to write so I'll write about nothing...
but then that's a lie because nothing is always something so is there really something that is nothing?
No, because nothing is the absence of something so nothing can never be something...
but then there are those times when something is really nothing or something is disguised as nothing...
for instance this journal seems a lot like it is something but it is really nothing trying to be something.

Dang I am Tired!

This is me waking up from a unexpected nap...

I thought this picture appropriate because this was the condition I was in when I wrote this journal.

Anyways Service Sites are awesome! I love serving other people!

Can't Steal Happiness

I've done a lot of thinking lately about happiness and the lack of it in certain settings.  It seems as if the members of this semester have been plagued by the frustrations that comes with being stuck in a place for an extended period of time with 55 other people... and I don't blame them.  However due to my own frustrations I must take a step back and analyze my present situation.  Most of my own frustrations and the voiced frustrations of others can be remedied by a change of attitude.  This does not just apply to these people, it is a universal concept.  I have had a song by the weepies that has been running around in my head and the chorus goes "Its a mean town but I dont care, try and steal this... cant steal happiness."  It is that kind of attitude that can bring joy to almost any situation.  When you take a step back and look for the beauty and blessing all around us you cant help but lose grip on your frustrations.  For instance I was frustrated with the lack of learning or challenge on this trip, however I realized I am in South Africa and that is blessing enough. 

Sometimes its the small lessons that are just as important as the huge ones, which leads me to the realization that if I am not being challenged than maybe I should take it upon myself to challenge myself.  From my point of view there is no reason for me to be complaining because there is really nothing that I really deserve, so there is beauty in every situation I just have to search for it.  We live in a world of people and because of the problems that come with that you cannot expect an ideal society.  There must be room for failure and improvement...
I believe I am rambling right now so I am going to stop it here.  I guess this is a challenge to myself as well as whoever reads this... Find the beauty in your situation!

"Cant Steal Happiness" by the Weepies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HNXjU8nuKc