Haunted by what I dont need

I feel the need to journal right now and people are on my mind.  People are almost always on my mind.  Their voices haunt my thoughts, and tear at my desires.  When I hear a group laughing I automaticaly yearn to be there, sometimes even when I'm with another group...
but why is that? Why do i always feel like I'm missing out, like everything good is happening somewhere else?
Is it because I am not content?  I think at times that is definately my problem as much as I hate to admit it.  It seems like I am stick in this contunous cycle where I realize my discontentment and challenge myself into fixing this problem and eventually I lose that self-awareness and slip back into it.  I'm not sure how to break this cycle but is is time to banish discontentment yet again.  It is time to savor the time I have and the friends I spend it with.  I do not need anything more, and what I already have is way more than I deserve.  I will no longer be haunted by the thoughts my mind conjures up to convince itself that the grass is greener in another group.  This not going to be easy, it requires a war within my mind, and yes I will be tormented but I need to win contentement, I must win.  These desires of mine cause so much unnecessary worry or stress. 
How do I implement strategy? I guess its a conscious decision every single time to remind myself that what I have is more than enough!

A late night Journal Entry

I feel renewed by the last couple days.  It is strange to see how hard labor energizes me...
Alright I am going to transition this journal

There are times when I don't feel like journaling or writing about certain things and this is one of those times.  It is like I don't want to write about anything but I still need to write so I'll write about nothing...
but then that's a lie because nothing is always something so is there really something that is nothing?
No, because nothing is the absence of something so nothing can never be something...
but then there are those times when something is really nothing or something is disguised as nothing...
for instance this journal seems a lot like it is something but it is really nothing trying to be something.

Dang I am Tired!

This is me waking up from a unexpected nap...

I thought this picture appropriate because this was the condition I was in when I wrote this journal.

Anyways Service Sites are awesome! I love serving other people!

Can't Steal Happiness

I've done a lot of thinking lately about happiness and the lack of it in certain settings.  It seems as if the members of this semester have been plagued by the frustrations that comes with being stuck in a place for an extended period of time with 55 other people... and I don't blame them.  However due to my own frustrations I must take a step back and analyze my present situation.  Most of my own frustrations and the voiced frustrations of others can be remedied by a change of attitude.  This does not just apply to these people, it is a universal concept.  I have had a song by the weepies that has been running around in my head and the chorus goes "Its a mean town but I dont care, try and steal this... cant steal happiness."  It is that kind of attitude that can bring joy to almost any situation.  When you take a step back and look for the beauty and blessing all around us you cant help but lose grip on your frustrations.  For instance I was frustrated with the lack of learning or challenge on this trip, however I realized I am in South Africa and that is blessing enough. 

Sometimes its the small lessons that are just as important as the huge ones, which leads me to the realization that if I am not being challenged than maybe I should take it upon myself to challenge myself.  From my point of view there is no reason for me to be complaining because there is really nothing that I really deserve, so there is beauty in every situation I just have to search for it.  We live in a world of people and because of the problems that come with that you cannot expect an ideal society.  There must be room for failure and improvement...
I believe I am rambling right now so I am going to stop it here.  I guess this is a challenge to myself as well as whoever reads this... Find the beauty in your situation!

"Cant Steal Happiness" by the Weepies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HNXjU8nuKc

There is not a day where I cant find Happiness

So I was just looking over my blog and realized that the majority of my posts are of the deeper nature and could be misinterpreted as sad or depressive.  I do not want anyone to be under the impression that this is nothing short of an amazing experience for me!  So below are just some of the awesome highlights of this trip:

• There is a waterfall on campus that I climb regularly
• I went to my first pro sport game... and it was RUGBY! (I want to play)
• I see Zebras regularly but they never cease to excite me
• Trips to game reserves are common along with exotic animal sitings
• We have a 90 foot slip n slide!
• I am constantly surrounded by nature and places to explore
• I can go days without having to put any type of footwear on
• Spontaneous events such as sleeping outside or Water Rugby with the guys
• There are amazing people here and I love getting to know them
• Gods got a major sense of humor therefore I laugh
• Mints are available at all times during class

These are but a few things that make this semester incredible!

My Empathy

A series of unfortunate events have brought to light things within myself i have not seen in a long time.  Empathy, for some is just a term used when they can relate to someone, for me it is an instinct that rips me out of my own skin and places me in a position where I experience the happiness and more importantly pain of others.  It is not intentional or even conscious because honestly at times i would not choose to feel the suffering that I do but I would never trade my Empathy.  It is a part of me, an aspect of my character that defines part of my existence.  It is a strength as well as a weakness.  At times it comforts me and at times I am so frustrated with my ability to feel but inability to do anything about it.  I hate being helpless to help, there are those situations where I feel the pain others are feeling but I am not in a position to act.  It is those times where my heart is tortured and I must pray in order to keep from being sane!
I am not sure if this makes any sense to anyone but me, or even why I am writing this on my blog. but this is my way of understanding myself...