Out Of Africa!

 As time trudges on Africa becomes more of a dream.  Details are beginning to fade and I am left alone with my experiences.  I am  not going to say I don't miss it because I do, but I also miss California, and Colorado, and Haiti.  This trip did not make me hate my home, if anything it has me appreciate it more (home=Hawaii&America) but it has taught me things about myself and about the world.  I realized the possibility of the impossible while spending 5 months in Africa, and now I am comforted by the knowledge that I will be back someday.  This will be the last official post of my South Africa Experience, so I figured that nothing would work better than my last entry in my personal journal.

I am a wanderer! I do not believe this is something I have always been, but I have developed into and finally now realize this self-attribute.  I am a wanderer who thrives on exploration and the discovery of the new.  This is evident in many aspects of my life, most obviously in travel specifically to places I have never been before, but it is also evident in my relationships with people.  I am not one to stick to a certain group of people for a long time.  I love to meet new people, to observe new groups,  and to find my place in it all.  I believe that is one of the biggest things I learned in Africa and also one of the biggest reason I loved Africa so much.  It was my new adventure, my new beginning, and for a few short months my new home. 
Home is an idea that many people my age begin to question the meaning of or even redefine as it applies to themselves.  Home for me has changed, it is no longer on an island or in a house, it isn't where I grew up or even where my family lives.  Home has become the place where I am.  This idea stemmed from a philosophy that I had created for myself and that my experiences in Africa have unarguably established.  The philosophy that one can find beauty in whatever place they are, from the streets of LA to the shores of Cape Town, from a small island in the South Pacific to a poor African township called Haniville... and because of this ever present beauty I can find comfort, and in this comfort i can feel at home.  Therefore home is wherever I can find beauty.  Home is Africa, home is Los Angeles, it is Molokai and it is places that I have never been before, home is where friends are or where family is... Home is here!

Changes are coming!

So for any of you who do read my blog, it was my original intent to just create it for my trip to South Africa however after thinking about it I have decided to continue it as an outlet for thoughts and creativity.  It will be taking a very different turn and the look of it will be revamped but CHANGES ARE COMING!

Safari Day 3

Waking up before the sun rise again today was extremely hard, but the promise of big game motivated me... I had not seen a male lion so that that was all I was praying for and maybe another elephant... 
not even 20 minutes into the drive we spotted 3 beautiful lions relaxing after a night of hunting.  There were two males with golden manes and were even bigger than I had imagined.  As i stared at their majestic beauty I slipped a headphone into my right ear and pressed play on my ipod.  As Little Lion Man played, the awesomeness of those creatures became even more inspiring.  The rest of the morning was quite boring in relation to animal sightings... unfortunately I had to say goodbye to the reserve and animals and I can only that I shall see them again one day...
We finished the weekend off by watching The Lion King!

Safari Day 2

We woke up before the sun today in order to see the animals in their morning bustle.  We were not ten minutes out of camp when we came upon a pack of 5 elephants.  One "cheeky fellow" began threatening the vehicles adn even fake charged at one point.  It was an amazing start to a day of big game sightings. 

I am slightly distracted right now because of what has happened in the last thirty minutes.  Me, Riley, and Matt bulit a fire outside of our bungalow.  It was slightly raining so it was difficult, but at one point matt went out to collect some dry twigs and suddenly came back sprinting saying that he heard a growl.  We stopped to listen and from the bushes again came a low growl.  We freaked and barricaded ourselves on the porch and were too afraid to do anything else.  Which brings us to now... now I am listening to the strange howl of a hyena, something you only hear on television... but its real and more chilling than ever.  Now we sit on our porch and await what comes next.  This is Africa!

Safari Day 1

We got chased by an elephant!!!
So we were driving along and then BAM! There was a giant elephant standing right in the middle of the road.  As we approached he turned to us and began walking towards us.  Baba threw it into reverse and began backing away and as he did the bull began to approach us at a quicker pace.  Now it is prime mating season and that is when male elephants are extremely dangerous... fear gripped all of us as Baba reversed over 300 yards.  Finally the other jeep caught its attention and it stopped.  Our guide then threw rocks at it to scare it off!

Pain & Prayer

I have spent the last four weeks working in a South African township and I feel unworthy.  Why am I so blessed with this experience?  Why do I have so much? Why? 
Yesterday I visited a woman in the hospital who had tried to commit suicide and the scary thing is I may have done the same thing.  She had scars covering her body from a fire that killed her baby last year.  I looked in her eyes and all I saw was pain.  There was so much pain within her and it broke me to see something so beautiful hold so much misery.  I was speechless... what could I say?  Who am I to tell her its going to be okay, a rich white American who has never felt anything close to her hardships.  All I could do was pray.  It seems that real change only comes through prayer.  Some may disagree with me and say that the house & garden we built are real change but they can rot, or collapse, or be neglected.  The real change is what that lady does with them, which is sparked by the acts themselves... but we cannot control what she does only God has that influence and only through prayer can we be apart of that.

Haunted by what I dont need

I feel the need to journal right now and people are on my mind.  People are almost always on my mind.  Their voices haunt my thoughts, and tear at my desires.  When I hear a group laughing I automaticaly yearn to be there, sometimes even when I'm with another group...
but why is that? Why do i always feel like I'm missing out, like everything good is happening somewhere else?
Is it because I am not content?  I think at times that is definately my problem as much as I hate to admit it.  It seems like I am stick in this contunous cycle where I realize my discontentment and challenge myself into fixing this problem and eventually I lose that self-awareness and slip back into it.  I'm not sure how to break this cycle but is is time to banish discontentment yet again.  It is time to savor the time I have and the friends I spend it with.  I do not need anything more, and what I already have is way more than I deserve.  I will no longer be haunted by the thoughts my mind conjures up to convince itself that the grass is greener in another group.  This not going to be easy, it requires a war within my mind, and yes I will be tormented but I need to win contentement, I must win.  These desires of mine cause so much unnecessary worry or stress. 
How do I implement strategy? I guess its a conscious decision every single time to remind myself that what I have is more than enough!

A late night Journal Entry

I feel renewed by the last couple days.  It is strange to see how hard labor energizes me...
Alright I am going to transition this journal

There are times when I don't feel like journaling or writing about certain things and this is one of those times.  It is like I don't want to write about anything but I still need to write so I'll write about nothing...
but then that's a lie because nothing is always something so is there really something that is nothing?
No, because nothing is the absence of something so nothing can never be something...
but then there are those times when something is really nothing or something is disguised as nothing...
for instance this journal seems a lot like it is something but it is really nothing trying to be something.

Dang I am Tired!

This is me waking up from a unexpected nap...

I thought this picture appropriate because this was the condition I was in when I wrote this journal.

Anyways Service Sites are awesome! I love serving other people!

Can't Steal Happiness

I've done a lot of thinking lately about happiness and the lack of it in certain settings.  It seems as if the members of this semester have been plagued by the frustrations that comes with being stuck in a place for an extended period of time with 55 other people... and I don't blame them.  However due to my own frustrations I must take a step back and analyze my present situation.  Most of my own frustrations and the voiced frustrations of others can be remedied by a change of attitude.  This does not just apply to these people, it is a universal concept.  I have had a song by the weepies that has been running around in my head and the chorus goes "Its a mean town but I dont care, try and steal this... cant steal happiness."  It is that kind of attitude that can bring joy to almost any situation.  When you take a step back and look for the beauty and blessing all around us you cant help but lose grip on your frustrations.  For instance I was frustrated with the lack of learning or challenge on this trip, however I realized I am in South Africa and that is blessing enough. 

Sometimes its the small lessons that are just as important as the huge ones, which leads me to the realization that if I am not being challenged than maybe I should take it upon myself to challenge myself.  From my point of view there is no reason for me to be complaining because there is really nothing that I really deserve, so there is beauty in every situation I just have to search for it.  We live in a world of people and because of the problems that come with that you cannot expect an ideal society.  There must be room for failure and improvement...
I believe I am rambling right now so I am going to stop it here.  I guess this is a challenge to myself as well as whoever reads this... Find the beauty in your situation!

"Cant Steal Happiness" by the Weepies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HNXjU8nuKc

There is not a day where I cant find Happiness

So I was just looking over my blog and realized that the majority of my posts are of the deeper nature and could be misinterpreted as sad or depressive.  I do not want anyone to be under the impression that this is nothing short of an amazing experience for me!  So below are just some of the awesome highlights of this trip:

• There is a waterfall on campus that I climb regularly
• I went to my first pro sport game... and it was RUGBY! (I want to play)
• I see Zebras regularly but they never cease to excite me
• Trips to game reserves are common along with exotic animal sitings
• We have a 90 foot slip n slide!
• I am constantly surrounded by nature and places to explore
• I can go days without having to put any type of footwear on
• Spontaneous events such as sleeping outside or Water Rugby with the guys
• There are amazing people here and I love getting to know them
• Gods got a major sense of humor therefore I laugh
• Mints are available at all times during class

These are but a few things that make this semester incredible!

My Empathy

A series of unfortunate events have brought to light things within myself i have not seen in a long time.  Empathy, for some is just a term used when they can relate to someone, for me it is an instinct that rips me out of my own skin and places me in a position where I experience the happiness and more importantly pain of others.  It is not intentional or even conscious because honestly at times i would not choose to feel the suffering that I do but I would never trade my Empathy.  It is a part of me, an aspect of my character that defines part of my existence.  It is a strength as well as a weakness.  At times it comforts me and at times I am so frustrated with my ability to feel but inability to do anything about it.  I hate being helpless to help, there are those situations where I feel the pain others are feeling but I am not in a position to act.  It is those times where my heart is tortured and I must pray in order to keep from being sane!
I am not sure if this makes any sense to anyone but me, or even why I am writing this on my blog. but this is my way of understanding myself...

"Morning Fog"

It is these mornings hours that the fog sits with peace.  I watch them as they gracefully intertwine creating a fantastical world belonging only to the early risers.  The fog swirls around these hills exiling the distant behind its walls and capturing this very moment for but a short amount of time.  Peace sits in the trees and quiets all but the soft chorus of the woods.  An orchestra of bugs and the choir of birds together play her a melody that gives Peace her name, and she kindly permits me to listen.  but the sun climbs higher and the morning fog fades, and peace gracefully slips away leaving me with a small companion for the day...

Proof of Truth: "Faith and Reality"

     Is faith simply a construct of our minds?  Is everything I believe just a fairytale that someones mind dreamed into reality centuries ago and now that reality has become my own? Is it all just a dream?
     I say NO!  There are some things that i know for sure, even if my reality really is just a fantasy.  I know for sure there is a God, and not just because i feel Him.  It is so evident that there is a higher power that has created life.  If one just looks internally at the power to think he cannot but come to the conclusion that there is some kind of God.  It believe it is stupidity to think otherwise.  However it is the story and character of God that is so hard to rationaly defend.  I know it as truth for myself but how can i prove it absolute truth.  I do not want to be of a "blind faith".  I will not be another brainwashed follower lacking the ability to question "truth".  I know I am not educated enough to establish a rational argument for the truth of  Jesus and this is why i must question it.  Not because I do not believe but because I DO, and wish not to believe blindly.  I know there is evidence out there and it is my duty as a christian and I believe as a human to find truth and its supporting evidence.

Braveheart

 I just finished watching Braveheart.  An inspiring story of a common man rising up to lead Scotland to freedom.  A man who was known by every on of his country men and stories were told of him even when he was still yet alive. 
It made me think, how long has it been since we have had a national hero.  Sure we idolize actors, athletes, and musicians but when was the last time there was a man who inspired a country? Not by looks or by his talents but by his wit and his very living.  It is people like William Wallace who create change.  These people are not politicians, it is not merely a  job for them.  They are individuals who live out their convictions in such a way that others cannot help but be inspired.  I can only hope to be a piece of what these great men of history were.  I can only pray that my story is one worth writing and maybe even reading again when I am long gone and the memories faded.  Will my story be one worth keeping?

(P.S: I recognize the fact the movie adds a good amount of fictional events to the actual reality of Wallace's life)

Typhoid Fever

It has been almost a week now.  One week of miserable symptoms.  It started with a loss of appetite but then a fever burst within my head, but it left as quickly as it came taking with it all my energy and leaving me lethargic for two days.  Now I am left with stomach pains and movements whenever I eat.  I fear this may be something worse than I hoped.  All these symptoms are characteristics of typhoid fever, except I dont have a high fever, but this possibility slightly worries me...
So I've been praying alot, but i feel guilty because I didnt come to God when I had a fever or lack of energy.  Its only when I start getting scared that I start really talking to Him about it.  In my helplessness I find comfort in prayer, of course i pray for healing but then what if its God's plan for to be sick?  So instead of asking for just healing, i pray for peace that God does exactly what he wants with me...  That is all I can do, and honestly being in that spots thrills me... even if I have typhoid fever!

The next day...
I have gone the whole day without symptoms.  I cant just blow this off like no big deal.  God worked his small miracle and healed me from my affliction.  I love that there are always lessons to be learned...
I wonder if God enjoys bringing me to these points where I am almost asking for unfortunate events? (T Fever)

I Could Live Here

    Grassy plateaus and mountains tower over my head as I stand upon this boulder so big that only God himself could move it.  Rushing water hums its melody as it flows 20 feet beneath me.  I sit down to bask in the sun who will be wrestled out of the sky by the approaching thunderclouds that been waiting so luminous on the horizon.  I slide down the rock face, scratching up my stomach, and jump into the water.  The current greets me by sweeping me off my feet and I am embraced by the cool waters.  I curl up into a ball to see how far this river would take me.  It throws me against rocks and the flips me over and over until it is through with me.  I stand up and a flash of lightning paints the hills followed by its war drums.  I feel a drop of rain as I drag myself out of the river and stare at the opposing clouds.  "I could live here!" escaped my mouth and I continued down the path...

A Note from Natalie & Kari...

Monkey Wars

Dear Monkeys,

We were warned to be wary of you.  We were warned of your cunning and thievery.  We were advised to prepare ourselves for battle, but we did not head these warnings and now you have humiliated us.  You have scared the women and eyed down the men, you have stolen the avocados and pooped in Mitch's bed, you have attacked our masculinity and questioned our humanity... but No More! We will no longer be gripped by fear of the possibility that you have invaded our rooms and desecrated the possessions we hold dear.  We will shut our windows and lock our doors, we will make our weapons and grow our beards, we will be the bigger monkey.  Beware oh monkeys of what is to come, guard your children, watch you backs, and sleep with one eye open... because if you continue these invasions we will retaliate, we will fight back, and we will prevail.
This Is War!

Sincerely

The Men of SA Semester

All Wrong...

I realized today that i came into this trip with the wrong attitude.  People would ask me "what do you want to get out of this trip?" and i would give them some answer like to learn about a new culture or expand my worldview, but i had it all wrong.  This semester is not about what i can learn here its about what i can do here.  This isn't even about me, I believe God has blessed me with this experience so that i can do whatever i can for the people of South Africa.  The selfishness of my expectations are what have been causing this loneliness and frustration within me, but i realize my mistake  and is is time to approach every situation thinking about what I can do for others and forget about my own selfish endeavors.

First Morning

A journal entry the first morning at the pietermeritzburg campus...

Its the first morning of our stay here at African Enterprise, and me and the other guys went on a run at 6 am (we were still suffering from 10 hr jet-lag).  Shortly into the game reserve we spotted a zebra in the mist, however it disapeared as fast as it appeared.  Just a few minutes later we were jogging past a pack of them only a few feet away.  As we continued we discovered another zebra as well as a couple antelope.  Oddly enough i felt comfortable running beside these legendary creatures, like it was my natural instinct, what I was made to do.  Others around me did not feel quite as safe, at one point one of the guys began sprinting in fear when the zebra began to gallup next to us.  I believe they were merely being playful and racing him, but his showed that he didnt think them playful.  I could be satisfied with just this great experience of man integrating into nature, however this is just the first morning and there are many more to come.

South African History

Since I landed in Africa it has been a whirlwind of events.  Our group of 55 boarded a buss and drove into Johannesburg to a local hotel in which we hunkered down for the night.  The 10 hour time difference made it difficult to sleep in past five (but i cant complain).  The following day we embarked on a tour of Soweto (a part of Johannesburg where the blacks were exiled during the segregation during the 1900's). Although there were many poor areas i was surprised of the lack of beggars instead of being bombarded by desperate people pleading for money we were constantly greeted my smiling faces yelling "Welcome, Welcome!"  The people there seemed so optimistic, like despite there impoverished circumstance they still hold to some hidden hope that through time they may better their lives.  At the end of the tour we stopped at the apartheid museum.  The apartheid is the racist rule of the government over the south africans up until Nelson Mandelas take over in the 1990's. I was disgusted by the white mans total disregard for the native blacks.  I was also inspired by the story of nelson mandela, he is truly an inspiring man with vision 100 times greater than anything i have ever dreamed of.   I am in awe of his sacrifice for his people, his country, and ultimately humanity.  A modern legend who dedicated his life to  a cause he believed in and never did he faulter.

A Fairytale Life

I am in South Africa.  Just being here seems to have changed my outlook on life a small bit.  Being in Africa was a kind of goal of mine since high school, but i never imagined myself here at 18... its just not real. 
My current circumstance has redefined "In God all things are possible."  I have just done the impossible and it is only through surrender to God that it happened.  I am like a child realizing that all his fantasies and imagination can and will be reality!  I am living a fairytale life, and i cannot wait for the rest of my story to unfold...

Growing Feeling

As time approaches for me to board a plane to South Africa, Ive got this growing feeling that change is coming.  I know that within these next 4 months who I am will forever be altered by the experiences i have there.  I cannot begin to express the excitement i have felt for so long... People have asked me "are you nervous?" and i honestly can say that there is no nervousness within me!  I am not afraid of anything this trip will  bring but openly accept the good, bad, and neutral events that i will face.  In one week I will be in south africa, in one week my life will yet again begin to change!

Through The Eyes of a Child

What if i viewed everything as i did when i was a child? What if i found beauty and interest in anything that could fit in my hand, and what if i found satisfaction in any environment I'm in. What if everything was a new adventure? I want to see through the eyes of a child.  I want to be free of the blinders that age has put on my mind.